My partner says she needs more exciting sex from me.
But how dare she slag me off when she’s the boring, unadventurous one? She insists on wearing a baggy T-shirt and keeping the lights off in the bedroom.
She says she’s sick of me making love like she’s a plank of wood. Apparently, I’m not passionate or caring enough.
She was the one who begged me to come back after I left her. I was blissfully happy with my ex.
My ex and I met at work. We’d sit and flirt for ages until my boss finally shouted, “Get a room!”.
So we did…
I left my partner two weeks later. I moved in with my lover and for 18 blissful months, my life was amazing.
She was funny and generous, and the sex was off the scale.
But my partner never stopped nagging me to come back. She issued all sort of threats that she’d harm herself, trash the house and not allow me to see our dogs.
Eventually she wore me down and I reluctantly returned, breaking my lover’s heart.
I expected a passionate, horny reunion. I thought we would experience the best make-up sex ever, only nothing has changed.
She’s still as boring as ever yet expects me to do all the leg work and make up for cheating on her. Meanwhile, my ex is messaging me to say it’s not too late to try again, so my head is all over the place. What am I supposed to do for the best?
JANE SAYS: It must have devastated your partner when you left her for another woman. For 18 months she was forced to go it alone, while you lived it up.
No doubt she missed you, but her pride was so badly wounded that she had to get you back. So she used every trick in the book to embarrass, shame and guilt-trip you into returning home. Now you are back, but things aren’t working out. The big reunion you expected was a damp squib.
You’re not setting her on fire and she’s boring you.
I’m in no doubt that her confidence took a huge hit by your rejection. You humiliated her by running off with a colleague and it doesn’t sound as if her self-esteem has recovered, hence the baggy T-shirt and no lights.
The truth is that this is no way to proceed.
You and she have to talk, in the cold light of day, about where you go from here. Clearly you are now disappointing and exasperating each other. Is that any way to conduct a relationship long term?
Would she be better off starting again as a single woman and would you be happier going back to your ex?
No split is easy, but it seems to me that this relationship ran out of steam a long time ago and has gone as far as it’s ever going to go.
Start talking and don’t stop until you’ve resolved this, because drifting cannot be an option.
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