I had a passionate affair after recovering from cancer but now I feel so guilty

DEAR DEIDRE:  I HAD a passionate fling with a work colleague after recovering from leukaemia.

It felt like the boost I needed, but I have a wonderful husband and the guilt gets to me every day.


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I’m 28 and my husband is 29. He is my best friend, we have great sex and we make each other laugh.

Obviously my diagnosis was a tremendous shock and he was my rock and often my carer.

I was off work for six months. When I was due to go back late last year, what I had gone through hit me hard.

I’d wake up and cry, sit at the dinner table and cry.

I couldn’t feel happy about anything. My husband couldn’t understand it.

He has never had mental health issues and we started bickering.

I met a new colleague on my first day back at work. He’s 30. We chatted and the relationship gradually got flirty.

After a couple of months he suggested we meet outside work.

I knew it wasn’t moral or right but we kissed and it felt so exciting that someone understood me.

He had suffered from depression in the past so he understood how I was feeling.

He gave me something my other half wasn’t giving me at the time, excitement, and our fling turned sexual. I felt guilty but I kept going back, like an addiction.

We saw each other regularly. He would even drive in to work when he wasn’t on shift just to see me — I now realise guys will do anything for a quick fix.

One day I was chatting with a colleague, who didn’t know about my affair, and he said my lover was a rat who had slept with several people at work.

I just nodded and didn’t say anything but confronted my lover later.

He admitted to having sex with one other colleague, but only told me because I’d found him out.

I realised what my gut had known all along — he’s bad news. I stopped our affair.

I was willing to go on being friends but he made me feel like a nuisance if I messaged him.

He’d got what he wanted from me and had now turned cold.

It’s been months since we last spoke but what I did plays on my mind most days.

My husband and I are very happy together but I feel like the worst person.

Do I come clean and risk losing him or keep this in my head for the rest of our lives? Maybe the guilt is my punishment.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Above all, you should forgive yourself.

Cheating is never right but you had survived a life-threatening illness and felt your partner didn’t understand you. In truth, he didn’t.

You were vulnerable to a guy who sounds experienced in manipulating women.

Don’t break your husband’s heart by confessing but learn from this.

Stresses crop up in the best of relationships and the answer is to talk them through, not look elsewhere.

Now, enjoy your happy marriage and good health.

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